Fate Has Its Ways of Testing Your Devotion

It’s not easy to look in the mirror and see the monster you’ve been avoiding. It is easier to criticizing others faults and flaws, while ignoring the beast from within making a mess out of reality until they contort to nightmares.

Okay, Monster in the mirror… I’m looking at you now. I notice my sight of you isn't completely clear. The mirror the universe gave me is covered in smudges, or maybe it’s my eyes that are clouded. Either way, I’ve gained some discernment: these smudges are kleshas. They deceive my perception of truth, inflate my ego, make me cling to false identities, and keep me trapped in cycles of craving and aversion. They may fog up my sight, but they don’t fool my third eye, which has night vision to see the ugliness within me. I never looked through that inner sense, because I spent a lifetime convincing myself I could see perfectly fine with my two brown eyes...until I couldn’t deny anymore that even my judgment is compromised. When loved ones tried to help, I deflected, insisting it was they who had a distorted vision, not me.

I digressed, back to you Monster. You really know how to make an angel fall. Now I empathize with the angels who fell following Lucifer into hell. Sometimes, we want to shine so brightly, to be seen as worthy, that we succumb to any trick promising shortcuts to glory. However, there is no glory on the dark side of the moon. It’s cold there. A bone-chilling cold that turns your spirit brittle. The harsh environment makes you attitude turn bitter even when true love tries to warn you are turning into danger. "You don't know what your talking about." I snap. I am so bitter that existing feels so painfully cold. "True love, just do your job and warm me up!" I say belittling. The thing about true love is its job was always designed to spark transformation, not serve till their is damnation.

So yes, I fell. I took the gifts of life and told myself I could earn more. Call me naïve, gullible, juvenile, ignorant, but ultimately I was just too blind to embrace contentment and too restless to see the miracle in the gifts I received in the present. Monster, you’ve finally got my attention now that the family I cherished has banished me in the name of protecting their own sanity. Yoga reminds me that everything in the universe is for me...even you.

So here we are two parts of a living entity, only one of them is clawing for salvation. Together, we’ve destroyed famial bonds. You’ve made me look like a fool. And here we are now, still alive, trying to survive the depth of this human experience. Our drama could’ve been a prime-time episode of Grey’s Anatomy or House:

“A woman in her late 20s, early 30s, suffers from an autoimmune disease of the brain where her thoughts attack her self-worth and devour her personality. Her symptoms: a desperate need to belong to a family and her it’s-too-good-to-be-true thoughts turned into attacks in the name of self-defense. Now anyone within a mile of loving her dearly, suffers from whiplash of from an emotional wreck and deep insecurities.”

Patient states passively aggressively, “[Loved-ones] You’re not meeting my expectations of removing the ugliness I feel. Fix it or else I’ll end up destroying myself, because you are not doing good enough.”

Let’s laugh together, Monster. We could have won an award for the tears our performance created in the people we love. They gave everything, but their love kept pouring into a cup that had a hole. Did you or I puncture that hole? We’re too old now to blame mommy and daddy, and too grown to blame childhood or teenage memories. Regardless, of whose at fault for a faulty cup, it’s too cold to stay on the dark side of the moon. I was meant to shine. This heart was made to be a safe place not a prison or cage that enslaves anyone nearby, punishing them for not being enough to make me feel balanced or complete.

“Monster, we’re in this together; the mediocre and the worst parts of me, handcuffed.” I pause. “That’s it. We’re no longer hiding. We’re moving into the light,” I say with finality. In the light, I will finally see what my true Self was always protecting: a crystal-clear soul that refracts love creating rainbows. A light that can brighten the lives of others and love with a vibration so true, it coaxes even their darkness to shine. Monster, I’m giving you a new name. I’m going to call you Reasontobe, because of you, I’ve found a reason to be better. I searched for answers because of all this suffering trying to avoid passing this down to my offspring. I learned to stop running from the pain and face my fear of how small and insignificant I feel. I discovered self-acceptance through my failure to change the unfavorable parts of myself—you, Reasontobe. Most importantly, I learned to forgive us wholeheartedly, for killing so many souls in pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness.

Reasontobe, I may not be able to call you my friend, but I will drag you into the light as my companion. You will walk with me as I shine a vibrant light in the darkness for those suffering from BPD; those whose minds turn against them and begin to attack their very souls. We won’t forget the audience who gave truly loving us a chance. We will represent their contribution as the secret ingredient that turned a lost, scared soul into a guide for people of her own kind. We will be living proof that this condition is not a death sentence. It is curable when your willing to transform it.

We set voyage on days called Today, and we arrive in a place called the Present. Reasontobe, you are no longer my curse. You are my companion on the path to internal harmony. Together, we live not in spite of the darkness, but because we’ve learned that even the darkness can serve as a light.

I’m almost ready to go live with the Solara Siddhi Path—a transformational program designed to train the personality and guide those struggling with emotional instability toward inner balance and self-mastery.

You don’t need a diagnosis like BPD to walk this path. You might simply be someone who looks in the mirror and feels disgusted by what you see. Or someone who feels weighed down by thoughts that paralyze your ability to take meaningful action.

Solara Siddhi is rooted in the timeless wisdom of traditional yoga, offering a clear, structured path to mental and emotional balance. Through this journey, you’ll learn how to stabilize the mind so that every thought, feeling, and action becomes an anchor—reminding you that you are in the perfect place and perfect time to express your highest potential.

This path isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about remembering who you truly are and learning to live that truth bringing it into the light, consistently and confidently.